I’m really worried about living

Ruminating about life

A couple of years ago, I suffered a pulmonary embolism. For three consecutive worst days of my life, I endured enormous pain in a hospital. The pain meds just barely kept me from going mad.

The day after I left the hospital, I heard the following song. The ordeal had done such a job on my brain that I began to sob uncontrollably. This gave me a sobering reflection on my life and I really think it changed me, hopefully for the better.

Here’s an email I wrote on June 20, 2012:

It’s been over six weeks since my pulmonary embolism and ER visit, and I still can’t quite get over how close I came to dying. Being as ignorant as I was about my health, I was very likely to ignore my symptoms and NOT go to the hospital. That would’ve spelled death for sure, probably within 24 hours.

It was a minor miracle that I didn’t ignore my symptoms (and, yes, today I’ve learned my lesson). Such a close call can shake your confidence and make you find God…

I am still in a state of disbelief. I can’t even begin to describe my state of mind; it’s utterly surreal.

I’m beginning to feel that my life was spared for a reason, a higher purpose.

Many years ago he looked out through a glassless window.
All that he could see was Babylon.
Beautiful green fields and dreams.
He learned to measure the stars.
But there was a worry in his heart.

He said, How could it come to this?
I’m really worried about living.
How could it come to this?
Yeah, I really want to know about this.

Then there came a time
It moved out ‘cross the Mediterranean.
Came to Western isles and the Greek young men.
With their silver beards they laughed
At the unknown of the universe.
They could just sit and guess God’s name.

But they said, How could it come to this?
I’m really worried about living.
How could it come to this?
Yeah, I really want to know about this.

Then there came a time of kings, empires and revolutions.
Blood just looks the same when you open the vein.
Sometimes it was faith, power or reason as the cornerstone.
But the furrowed brow has never left his face.

He said, How could it come to this?
I’m really worried about living.
How could it come to this?
Yeah, I really want to know about this.

How could it come to this?
We’ve been living in a landslide!
How could it come to this?
Yeah, we really want to know about this.

Then there came a time, man packed up,
Moved off from the planet.
He went to the moon.
Now he’s out in space,
Hey, fixing all the problems.
He comes face to face with God.

He said, How could it come to this?
I’m really worried about my creation.
How could it come to this?
Yeah, I really want to know about this.
Is it like today?
Is it like today?
Is it like today?

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